Have you ever experienced the feeling of growing too attached to something, or maybe even someone, that you don't even want to leave anything behind? All you want to do is cling on to it and hold on to it, knowing that that is the only thing or maybe person whom will be able to give you all sense of hopes when you just want to let go of everything? When that thing or person is all you can think about and gets you through the day, week, month or maybe even the years? That only thing or person who will be able to tell you indirectly that it will be there for you, always and forever just so to make you happy? But now everything you do is pointless because there is nothing you can change about the fact that that thing or maybe person is leaving you? And there is most probably a high risk of not being able to see that thing or person anymore? Knowing that you're losing your sanity, thinking, pondering over it day and night, awake and asleep, that you even live everyday just for that thing or person? Living everyday in hope of being able to meet that thing or person. That only thing or person who can make you happy without you even knowing it, maybe make you forget all your worries, forget everything, making it seem that the both of you are living in a world of your own, where no matter what you do, only the both of you matter. There's nothing else I'd want than to treasure what I am feeling right now, knowing that it always makes me survive the week, month, year, putting on a smile that is finally sincere on my face. Nothing ever did matter than this. All those times of slogging my guts out for everything, living everyday just to be able to see what I wanted to see most. Being oblivious to everything and everyone around me, not listening to what people are telling me, living my own life, in my own fantasy, making sure that everything will turn out fine, promising myself that I will be happy, telling myself that everyone I know believes in me, telling myself that I will be able to pull through this hardship. However, it seems like nothing is true. It's as though I am literally lying to myself, my own life, telling myself what I should do even when I know that it's wrong and not right, telling myself that I will be able to pull through everything when I know all I'm going to end up is like a withering flower, living in hope for a while and dying the rest of the time. I'll be honest. There is nothing I want more, nothing, than to be happy. There's nothing I miss more, nothing, than to be happy. And there is definitely one thing that I want the most - to be a successful person who will still remain happy no matter what I am facing through, knowing that I will be able to pull through everything. I tell myself to never lie, never hide myself from the truth, but that is exactly what I am doing. Now it's hard to change, and everyday, I die a little on the inside, bit by bit, like a flower trying too hard to survive in the desert and losing all sense of sanity and hope day by day. Now that everything is coming to an end, it's time for me to wake up and get dragged back to reality. I wish I could bid goodbye, but everything is ending before even I myself can say it. Maybe it was all just wishful thinking on my part.


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