Insecurities just came haunting me while I was studying just about 5 minutes ago. I do not know what I want to do with myself anymore. There's just a part of me that wants to cry out and just drown in sorrow. Yes, I wish I could. I would love to be able to talk to a friend openly about everything I am feeling now, but I guess everything changes right. I had a meaningful friendship just before this, the most meaningful one, one where we went all out to protect each other, but apparently everything changes and I'd taken all that for granted. I really am confused as to what I want to do now. How am I going to pick myself up and move on from here because honestly, it is hard. Very hard. I just want to talk to somebody. I want to know that someone will be there for me to talk to, but who am I trying to kid. I have no one to talk to. Being surrounded by a lot of people in school still makes me feel lonely all the time. Knowing that people don't care as much as I do hurts. I just wished I could stop time, take a breather, relax, sort my feelings out and then move on. You wanna know what I miss most? I miss being happy. I miss being a kid who was always happy, always jumping around, no worries, nothing. Now I am always overwhelmed by sadness, stress and anger. There's just something about me that easily gets annoyed all the time. I really am starting to have trust issues with myself these days, hence causing me to have it with other people as well. I wish all this could just stop. All this ain't me. I wasn't this before. I wasn't supposed to be like this. Sometimes, I wish I could just die and get out of all this mess. Get out of all these problems I have piling on my head. It really sucks that studying will make all the negativity in my life come rushing back into my mind. I feel like a weak girl right now. People tell me I am strong and such, but truth is I am not. Try exchanging hearts with me, and only then will you be able to know what I am exactly feeling like. I am so sick and tired of people who are judging me all the time. Try putting yourself in my shoes, only then you can judge me. There's so much for me to pour out, but to who, I do not know. I need to get back to being my old self, the one who could trust people easily, but I just can't bring myself to. This feeling I have inside of me really sucks. It just brings me down more and more day by day. Thank god for the long weekends, I really need a breather. I will really try sorting out everything. I really miss my friend, the one who'd always protect me from harm. Yes, the one who always got my back, and we can always pamper each other openly without feeling embarrassed in public. I can't wait for examinations to be over and done with. I wanna a long break for myself. I could totally use it.

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